I Can't Quit You

I've blogged a lot about how I take an anti-depressant called Effexor XR for hot flashes, right? Well, under the supervision of my oncologist, I've been weaning myself from the drug.

Dr. Onc's prescription: Change the dosage from 75 milligrams to 37.5 and take that for three weeks. Then take one every other day for another two weeks. And then you're done.

WRONG!

I don't know how addicts get sober. It has been so incredibly difficult - physically - to come off these stupid anti-depressants! On the off days I felt dizzy, light-headed, and cross-eyed. One night we were out at a restaurant and I came out of the bathroom and felt like I had been drinking, but I hadn't! It reminded me of when you've been over served and you're cruising across the restaurant thinking you're hot shit but really, you're a hot mess. I would have NEVER EVER started taking them if I knew it would be so hard to quit them.

So now I'm taking this low dose anti-depressant and having hot flashes. Pointless. But, I spoke with a pharmacist who suggested I open the pills and reduce some of the contents, little by little, day by day and this should make the wean easier than the every other day Dr. Onc prescribed.

The good thing is I've figured out when I typically get hot flashes and I can manage them without the use of drugs. Sadly, it's usually after a cup of coffee. Hot flashes be damned...I am not giving up my coffee!

I Wanna a New Drug

A dear friend of mine has been on a little bit of what she calls an "emotional roller coaster." She's dealing with some things - like we all do - but the other night, after some cheap girlfriend therapy, I was...jealous.

It's because I feel a little bit dead inside.

I take a medication called Effexor XR and it's typically used as an anti-depressant. It has also been found to help eliminate hot flashes and I started taking it when I was going through chemotherapy. I'm still taking it because I'm menopausal (thanks, cancer) and with that comes more HOT FLASHES!

I was embarrassed about taking an anti-depressant at first and have always qualified it with an explanation (like the one I just gave you). I told the pharmacist the same thing when he filled the prescription (he just looked at me and said "uh-huh.") One of my nurses told me that "everyone could probably use some sort of anti-depressant." It was then I decided it wasn't such a bad thing after all. I was dealing with some heavy stuff after my diagnosis and I think the Effexor really helped me stay even-kelled.

But now, I just feel sort of numb to everything. I don't experience a whole range of emotions. This is good when I'm sad or bummed out about something but it's the same when I'm happy or overjoyed. It makes life kind of boring from my perspective.

I'm thinking about not taking it anymore (no need to comment about how to stop taking it, if you are familiar with this drug. I know it needs to be under doctor supervision and all that).

I just want to FEEL again. Although, I do have some reservations because the severity of my hot flashes could get worse after I have my ovaries removed. There's gotta be a natural alternative, right?

I'll leave you with this ditty: "I wanna new drug/One that won't make me sick/One that won't make me crash my car/Or make me feel three feet thick."