"All Day I Think of Things but Nothing Seems to Satisfy..."

My current ailments: a low grade headache, aching feet and knees, a swollen hand, some weird pain on the back of my right leg, and a three-week old cough that hasn't quite gone away. Of course in my mind, I'm thinking that the aches and cough are "mets" (breast cancer metastasis, or the spreading of breast cancer to other parts of the body), the swelling is lymphedema (a side effect of having lymph nodes removed), and the weird leg pain must be a blood clot!

My husband, Bryan, has always called me a hypochondriac. He's mostly right as I do tend to self-diagnosis and it's usually with some life-threatening illness. Once I thought an ingrown hair was a swollen lymph node (this was far before I was diagnosed)! But, in my defense, I was right about having endometriosis (the reason why we couldn't conceive before I got pregnant with Audrey) and when I found the lump in my breast I knew deep down it was cancer and not just the general lumpiness associated with breast feeding (yes, I was nursing at the time).

So how do you manage a normal worry before it turns into full-blown paranoia?

For me, I break out my "Managing Self Defeating Thoughts and Feelings Worksheet" given to me by a very trusted professional who has a lot of experience with cancer patients [read: therapist].

First you ask yourself: What am I feeling? In my case, let's go with the headache.

Next: What am I reacting to? Well, the pain and that it's recurring.

Next: What am I thinking? I already answered this above...mets to the brain, duh.

Next: Is this a self-defeating thought? Yes. I am "jumping to conclusions" making a negative interpretation "even though there are no definite facts to support" my conclusion.

Next: What evidence do I have that this thought is true? Very little. Only that mets to the brain is a possibility according to the reading I've done about breast cancer.

Next: What evidence do I have that this thought is not true? A lot. I've had a history of headaches and typically Advil does the trick. I'm only now freaking out about it because I've had breast cancer.

Now I must correct the thought: I have a headache. I'm going to take some Advil and go about my day.

It's a tedious process but it really does help me get my head straight.

I'm off to take some Advil now...enjoy!